The crunch is over

Well, I'm finally finished my work on my project for my course. A hard fought 5 days at the end of the semester got me across the finish line. Yes I was wickedly tired. Yes I just about wanted to throw in the towel. Yes I was axious. Yes I was fighting my fears and doubts. But despite all of these obstacles I actually got the thing done. And I'm proud of that. It might not have been the best project on optical receivers ever done, but it certainly wasn't the worst. I managed to wing a presentation and I think I may have done better than just winging... I may have surpassed my own expectations. I swear, with my smooze factor I should be in sales, not engineering. Yeah, it's unethical, but if you've got the gift with words, maybe it would be a better choice. Anyway, I thought I did a decent job. Some of the other projects were perhaps better, but I finsihed it and while working a full time job. That's life.

Things I've learned and perhaps always knew. I'm no math genius. I'm not even necessarily that logical. If anything my thinking is scrambled. I'm not sure if this gels well with engineering. If I'd gotten my stuff together about 5 years ago I'd be better off. My one missing piece is the ability to deal with people on an extended basis. If I could do that, then marketing, sales, managing all seem like decent career moves. I definitely do not want to be the back room engineer. That's not my destiny by any means. There are too many other people out there who are way more adept at math and way more interested in finding the nth root of a polynomial equation. Been there, done that, not interested in a full time job in it. I still believe I was more suited to mechanical. I could visualize in 3-D without problem. But circuits? Sorry, nothing to visualize there. No object to move. No forces to calculate. I liked the forces.

Summer beckons though. A time to get my week-ends back. I'm looking forward to having my week-ends free after 8 grueling months. I will need to take some time to evaluate my options... but I'll do that in a month. I want a little time to gain distance. I do better with distance between my stressors and my decisions. I would also like to read a ton this summer. And definitely non-fiction.

That is all.

On professional life

So I sit typing away in a lab far away from home. I can't say that I really enjoy what I'm doing, but at least it's something. I've been working the "professional" life now for almost 5 years. 5 years of stress, late nights, lost week-ends, meaningful tasks and some not so meaningful. At the end of all this I'm left wondering if any of it was worth while. I think I got myself in over my head at my current place and desperately tried to tread water. While most of my contemporaries were out enjoying their 20s, I was trying to measure bit-error rates, build working systems, and generally save the bacon of a start-up company. This is unfortunately in my nature you see. I am prone to fits of unselfish behaviour that leave me drained and exhausted wondering what the hell happened. I end up burnt out and employer x merrily chugs along. Of my life list of things to do before I die I've accomplished but a few. Personally I've not developed the reationships I wished I had. But the rub is always that relationships take time and most employers want blood. Work life balance is becoming more of a catch phrase... perhaps it will change over time. I do know that the boomers do not "get" the younger generation. They are completely out of step. We are a generation much more interested in enjoying all facets of life. For us it is not just a case of live work raise children die. No sir. We haven't faced the trauma of war. We were not the first generation to be born after the sexual revolution. We see life as a much longer continuum. There is much to do. And yet... and yet we are faced with increased competition from China and asia and that makes one wonder if our "have it all" attitude will wash with an increasingly globalized working world. I suspect what will happen is that the "have" workers will be few in number but richly rewarded monetarily. They will have money to have the toys. They will not necessarily have the time or mental health to enjoy those toys. But I digress...

The "professional engineer" is a catch phrase that fails to consider the VAST scope of jobs performed by said engineer. I've performed many a job that I would not consider suitable for an engineer. This is the nature of the game... especially at a start-up. Anything and everything will be asked of you. Your choice is whether or not to sell your soul. Nobody can answer that question for you. Of all the engineering disciplines I've seen in action, I must conclude that electrical/computer is perhaps the least professional. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that the industry moves and changes so fast. By the time you're 40 you're old in the tech world. There is no time to build a career. It's change and adapt as fast as possible. If you are one of the elite gifted engineers then kudos to you... you will make change in the world. You will be employed for life. You will be sought after by those with money to burn who cannot conceive of what a transistor is or why anyone would want to write down the equations that govern its operation. Ultimately it is up to the individual to manage his / her career. They do a poor job in eng school preparing engineers for this fact. It's a bit like casting hundreds of row boats out from the deserted island and hoping that some will make it back to the pirate ship. In a lot of cases those boats will sink. It's an unfortunate fact and one that could be remedied with some sort of interest by the administration in the graduating class.

My biggest piece of advice is this: do not consider engineering unless you have a genuine interest. The demands of the workplace are too big if you do not love every day of it. The life long learning required... the late nights... the time away from those you love better be worth it to create the next googleplex.