Empathy

It's been a while. I just saw Kong, and it is quite boring, even predictable. I guess the story is known and really you are just there to enjoy the special effects. The story brings to mind a subject that has occupied me lately; at least for the last year. Empathy. Such a simple word, yet it might be the key to any lasting relationship and indeed the survival of the species. The heroine of the movie comes to see Kong as a real creature of intelligence; of love even. She is able to understand the he is not really just a beast, but a lonely creature. I also saw a show on "roots of empathy" where a professor has been bringing babies into classrooms to see the affect on children. The results are remarkable. She reports that children become more aware of each others needs and start to stick up for bullied children. Anyway, this whole empathy thing is a bit new to me. I realize that I didn't get a whole lot of real empathy from my parents as a child. Not really their fault I realize, because their childhoods were not exactly ideal. My supposition is that this kind of thing comes down through the generations. I mean, if your parents are empathetic and loving, you cannot help but be. That is your world for the first 10 years of your life and as you grow older you'll just assume that it is normal to be empathetic. Conversely, in a less supportive environment it is difficult to learn that empathy is found in the world. A child has little chance if it cannot spend at least some time with someone who can understand its emotions and support the emotional growth of the child. We talk a lot in our society (Western society I mean) about accomplishments and seem to associate growth with ever increasing accomplishments. I know from my own observations and experience that growth or life's journey is really about growing emotional capacity. The most developed people I know are the ones with the greatest empathy. I think that they also have a quiet confidence in themselves that comes from knowing that they are okay. I guess you would say that they knew they were loved from their first moments in life. Society is so social, that empathy is perhaps the most useful personal characteristic. I wonder at times whether you can have a meaningful relationship without empathy? It would seem the answer is no, at least that has been my experience. I know that I have poor ability to understand the emotions of others; I barely understand my own. Eventually in any relationship that is meaningful the emotions of one another need to be validated. The other needs to know that they are heard. I intellectually understand empathy; I even wrote about it in papers when I was younger. But it can be hard in practice, especially if you've been roughed up by life. I shouldn't be too self pitying though, there are definitely people around who can't even begin to contemplate empathy because of their circumstances. I mean, how is a child born into a war torn country, who gets little nuturing ever going to learn empathy, or for that matter ABCs? If the world is ever to become a better place, then I think we need more empathy. If we all realize that every other person is a soul who matters, it becomes a lot harder to kill one another. If you can say "If I kill that man, then I kill myself" well it would at least make you think twice. It would sure make you stop and think before invading another country. Of course, nothing is that simple. There are too many people, too much history and too few resources to go around. But on balance, more empathetic people ought to make for a better populace no? In the West we tend to put down some of the more "primitive cultures", I guess because they do not have designer jeans or whatever. But often those cultures raise better people who care about one another. The saying "It takes a village to raise a child" makes some sense, but it seems that the Western world has thrown that away and replaced with "every man for himself, and damn the rest". If you grow up with a group of people around you who care about you, then you are likely going to care about other people. Most of us struggle just to get through each day, but somewhere amongst the blur of life, you've got to at least think about the whole thing and wonder if we can move towards a better planet?